Lisa 101 ~ The Fundamentals of Lisa

So I just figured out another fundamental truth about me...the single thing that makes it so difficult for this BPD person to be in relationship with anyone... Because I spent so much of my life trying to get people to see the truth it is vital and necessary that those in my life see the truth. I am not talking about moral or even emotional truths I am talking about when I say one thing and life plays it, or my choices play it out another way that I acknowledge that what I said and what is happening are two different things. It is about truth NOT BLAME. I am not looking to blame myself or anyone today for anything. I simply desire people around me to see what is. There is no pain or confusion when I say 'yep I said (for example) that I would meet you at the coffee shop...time snuck away from me...you are correct I didn't show up at the coffee shop"...that kind of truth...some people today call it 'pointing out the obvious' but somewhere in my head it is about accountability; when people don't see things as they are and want to excuse that truth, either truth, it messes with me. Again I have spent my whole littlehood trying to convince people that life growing up wasn't what the grown ups said it was...that the truth I was living in, even though no one took responsibility or even said 'ya know what Lisa, you're correct' was completely different than what people said... this is huge for me in relationships...again it isn't about circumstances changing life happening none of that it is about needing the other person to see the truth that exists.....not my truth but THE truth.....It is not about people not showing up...it is simply about acknowledging what is real... sometimes i need the other person i am in relationship with to say 'ya know what? this is the truth. you are seeing it completely correctly.' not that i need some sort of twisted validation from that person that's not what I'm talking about...i just need the person to see the truth...this is not about co dependance, it is not about convincing people that "their truth" is wrong...I think that with situations, whether they change or not there is a truth...i said i would show up at the coffee shop (truth one) I didn't show up at the coffee shop (truth 2) that is what i am talking about acknowledging, simply stating those truths...I am not saying i'm gonna share why i didn't show up (that's another conversation) i am simply saying in order ummm maybe for peace of mind...acknowledge both...neither one in my mind is "good" or "bad" my brain simply needs both to be acknowledged... I understand what I am trying to say...if anyone reads this I hope you understand as well...truth is truth. minus the variables, truth is still truth... I just re~read this and tears are streaming down my face....this is a huge, life changing knowing for me... Love & Grace.